My Rating: ★★★★★
Genre(s): Young adult; contemporary
Plot: [From Goodreads] Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness. There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution—Roman, a teenage boy who’s haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.
- I felt like parts of this book were written from my own head
- I will always, always back books that address mental illness in a relateable way
- The realization that there may be something to live for after wanting to die for so long is huge
- Physics nerd
- Popular kids can be depressed, too
- All of the emotions. All of them.
- Roman’s struggle to stick to the plan
- How Aysel physically describes her depression shows that it varies for everyone
- I almost felt like this book could encourage young kids to look up suicide partner groups
- “Maybe we all have darkness inside of us and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.”
- “You’re like a grey sky. You’re beautiful, even though you don’t want to be.”
- “Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.”
- “Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there’s nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.”
- “Life can seem awful and unfixable until the universe shifts a little and the observation point is altered, and then suddenly, everything seems more bearable.”
My Thoughts: I fell hard for this book. For Aysel and for Roman and for their pain. I felt this book to the core, and I couldn’t help but cry. Which is rare for me when it comes to book. I’ve been depressed, to the point of being suicidal, and this book was just so real for me. It was beautiful and horrible and emotional and I think that more authors should write about real things like mental illnesses, and how you don’t get to choose if you have one. One thing I was hesitant about was the fact that kids who don’t know about things like suicide partners could get ideas from this book, but I also feel like the resolution to the book might help them see that there are other options. All in all, this book was amazing and so, so important. I hope to read more books by Jasmine Warga. And I hope they’re all as real this one.